My strong-willed son

By Jaisey


“Just as some children are naturally compliant, others seem to be defiant upon exit from the womb. They come into the world smoking a cigar and yelling about the temperature in the delivery room and the incompetence of the nursing staff and they way the doctors are running things…Mothers of strong-willed children know there is something different going on inside, because their babes have been trying to carve their initials on the walls (in-utero)…Three o’clock in the morning is their favorite ‘playtime.’ Later, during toddlerhood, they resist all forms of authority and their greatest delights include ‘painting’ the carpet with Mon’s makeup or trying to flush the cat down the toilet. Their frustrated parents wonder where they went wrong and why their child-rearing experience is so different from what they had expected. They desperately need a little coaching about what to do next” (Dobson, James)


That describes Adin to a T. And me, desperately in need of a little coaching. Or a stiff drink or two. But alas, that will only cure it for a short time. My adorable darling son can be a holy terror at times. In fact, on Friday, he decided that his baby brother no longer needed to sleep in a crib, so he demolished it. Yes, my less that three year old son demolished an expensive wooden crib. Where was I you ask? Hiding in a corner slamming shots of tequila. Ok, not really. Seriously, we were downstairs desperately trying to watching a movie. We had turned it up a bit to drown out the screaming of, “But mommy I don’t wanna take a nap!” We had heard a few banging noises, but thought that it was just Adin kicking the wall. He likes to do that you know, lie in his bed and kick the wall, laughing hysterically. After a few minuets, Daddy got the job of going up to remind Adin that we do not kick the wall. Less than a minute later, he was back downstairs, demanding that I come up to see what my son had done. Needless to say, the whole drop side of the crib was in shambles. It appears that much to his little delight, Adin had learned that if he got in the crib and laid on his back, he could kick the slats of the crib. They, unlike the boring wall, will break. So it looks like Arin is one step closer to being a big boy and into a big boy bed, which makes me kind of sad.

I just sat there trying to figure out why Adin and Arin are so different and always have been. I can tell the baby no, and he will stop and give me this wonderful, “I’m sorry Mommy” smile. I tell Adin no and I get this, “You can’t make me” evil grin. Then I remembered about a book my good friend Cheri had told me about. See she has the same, um, problem. Her son has a mind of his own. In fact, we joke that if we ever left our two boys alone for even thirty seconds, they would burn the house down. She had read this book, The New Strong-Willed Child by Dr. James C. Dobson. So this weekend I went to every Borders bookstore this side of the free world. All right, I only went to three of them, but with traffic and crowds, it sure felt that way. I wanted that book now. Not in the week it would take to get it in to order it. Now. I finally found it in Fredericksburg and I am a little over four chapters into in and I have realized that some of the problems we are having with Adin are not our fault. Deep in his psyche is engraved this strong will so he feels the need to assert his power and show that he, not myself nor my husband, is in charge. I feel a little better about my parenting now and it’s nice to know that there are many more parents out there going through these same things. But still, I’m surprised that I have any hair left.

Dobson, James. The New Strong-Willed Child. USA: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc, 2004.
 

6 comments so far.

  1. Anonymous November 21, 2007 at 2:51 AM
    Jais you made me cry! Not because I was metnioned in your blog(lol) but because I feel trampled and beaten, by a 3 year old and I hate that you are going through it too. I'm so glad Brandy pointed out that book to me. I always said my kids would "never do this and never do that" yeah well sometimes it dont work out that way but I will put up a fight. I'll go toe to toe with him and if he wants a fight I'll give him one.............but I sure wish I didnt have to. They say the most rewarding things in life are the things you put your blood, sweat and tears into and our boys prove the point beautifully. Let's bow our heads and pray for strength to deal with this.......we've only just begun.

    (please excuse all my typos and bad grammer......it's almost 2am my time! LOL)
    Cheri
  2. Julie P.Q. November 23, 2007 at 8:00 PM
    I know my sister has had this experience, but with her the kids are reversed: my older neice was the great baby, and my younger neice (they keep telling me), is "just like her auntie." I know that's not a compliment, but I smile just the same.

    Give us even more here (after your great details!)...what else did Dobson say? It looks like you agree with his descriptions, but what about his methods of dealing with these rambunctious children?
  3. Jaisey November 24, 2007 at 11:20 AM
    I hadn't gotten to the chapter on discipline when I wrote this. It seems that every time I pick up the book, Adin does something else. I'm just now getting into that chapter though. Could be because the babies are with their Nana and Papa so I can actually get some reading done. I plan to do my next post on how to deal with his actions. Because by then I will *hopefully* be done with the book.
  4. Anonymous November 24, 2007 at 2:15 PM
    Read faster!!!!!! Actually not sure what you can do - I know that you will find something, besides running out of the house screaming! I would say "It is going to get better", but not sure if that would be for you or for Adin. Lots of hugs and kissses to you and yours.
  5. twkamau November 26, 2007 at 8:59 AM
    That is some of the stuff that I fear about being a parent. Most of my friends have already started with their families. My best friend Kayde has this gorgeous little boy that can do no wrong "in my eyes" I have taken the role of big sister for her and auntie for him. He has always been so quite such a perfect baby. His mom has started say how much of a little terror he is but I never see it. I guess its because I only see him when I go to visit and he is behaving himself. It is so funny cause it's like he knows his auntie is in town. Needless to say Dj is not even a yr old and he has already started. He is very much spoiled by all his aunties being the only child. Jordan its just a phase he is going threw you should never second guess the fact that you are a fantastic mom. And as much as that shot of tequila would help it would only work for a second and then he would get into something else. Keep us posted I wish you luck.
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